Saw: Jigsaw's Birthday Party
by Kaven
Summary: What happens when most major SAW characters are invited to our favorite mastermind Jigsaw's birthday? Oneshot.


SAW : I'VE SEEN THE SAW ( Comedy aftermath )

Jigsaw's birthday party

Adam drives a car with Dr. Gordon in the passenger seat. He pulls up to Jigsaw's lair.

Adam: Is this it?

Dr. Gordon: I dunno yet.

Adam: Jesus Lawrence you still haven't got over the accident and everything said there?

Dr. Gordon: I just woke up here, just like you.

Adam: What in the hell are you talking about, you haven't slept since Monday!

Dr. Gordon: I AM thinking about that!

Adam sighs and gets out of the car, and helps Lawrence, who is limping, up to the porch.

Dr. Gordon: Hold on, I think I can reach the door...

Adam: I know you can reach the door, it's just up here..

Adam and Lawrence enter to see everyone partying.

Adam looks at Zep.

Zep: Don't look at me, I can't help you.

Adam: Oh jesus it's gonna be a long night...

ROTTING BATHROOM

Eric reaches toward the gun crying.

Eric: DAMNIT!

Eric then uses his shoe to get the gun, only to find the clip empty.

Eric: DANIEL!

Eric hears the party upstairs.

Eric: Hey how come I wasn't invited?

UPSTAIRS

Xavier is drinking beer, but it just shoots out of his slit throat. Gus is staring at him with one eye.

Gus: You know I saw this show on Tv last week about this reporter...

Xavier: Stop bitching about it and let's do something!

Amanda sits in a chair, slitting her wrists. Soon Adam comes up to her.

Adam: You bitch you tried to kill me in the bathroom!

Amanda: Go fuck yourself.

Adam: Alright give me some lube.

Amanda hands Adam KY jelly. Dr Gordon walks up.

Dr. Gordon: Well Adam, what we need to do, is start thinking about why were here...

Adam: We are here because it's Jigsaw's birthday you dipshit!

Jigsaw appears with his hood over his head. He plays a tape recorder.

Tape Recorder: Good evening, and welcome, I trust you are all wondering why you are here...

Adam: We know why we are here you old fuck!

Jigsaw stops the tape recorder.

Jigsaw: Don't forget the rules!

Zep perks up.

Zep: It's the rules!

Dr. Gordon: Zep..!

Zep: You're too late!

Adam: God damn I give up!

Eric breaks down the wall limping on his pipe.

Eric: DANIEL!

Daniel turns, in his corner, sitting..

Eric: DANIEL!!!!!!!!!!

Daniel: ...What?

Eric: DANIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!

Jeff comes over to Eric.

Jeff: LYNN!!!!

Eric: DANIEL!

Jeff: LYYYYYYYYYYN!!!!!!!!!!

Eric: DANIEEEEEEEEL!

Daniel : WHAT?!

Zep starts rocking back and forth...

Zep: Dr. Gordon's time is up!

Eric turns and sees Amanda. He tackles her and bangs her head against the wall.

Eric: Where is he? Where's my son?

Amanda points at Daniel in the corner. Eric slamms her head into the wall harder.

Eric: Where is he you JUNKIE BITCH?

Amanda spits in Eric's face and walks over to Daniel

Amanda: RIGHT FUCKING HERE

Eric: ...You're not Jigsaw bitch!

Jigsaw: You'll need this key to get into the house...

Adam yells.

Adam: We are IN THE HOUSE!

Zep loads a clip into his gun and throws a ringing cell phone on the floor. Lawrence falls right out of reach of it and starts crying.

Suddenly everyone stops as Jigsaw announces its time for presents.

Jigsaw: First one is from Adam...

Jigsaw opens it to find Adam's key to his chain.

Jigsaw: Thank you Adam.

Adam: Go suck yourself.

Jigsaw: This one is from Lawrence...and it stinks...holy shit it's his foot!

Jigsaw throws the foot at Lawrence, who removes his wooden foot and sews his real one back on and grabs a knife, beginning to saw through it again.

Adam: You dipshit!

Jigsaw: Next one is from Eric.

Jigsaw opens it to find the toilet lid.

Jigsaw: How lovely...

Lawrence finishes sawing off his leg as Zep raises his gun.

Zep: It's the rules!

Adam: NOOO!

Adam runs up to Jigsaw, grabs the toilet lid, runs over, and smashes it into Zep's head.

Jigsaw knocks out Eric and drags him into the bathroom.

Adam stands over Zep. Lawrence grabs Zep's gun and shoots Adam in the shoulder. He crawls over to Adam who is grabbing his shoulder.

Lawrence: I'll bring someone back, I promise...

Adam: You fucking idiot...

Jigsaw drags the helpless Adam into the bathroom and chains his foot up again and chains Eric's good foot up. Daniel grabs the Saw and slits Xavier's throat again.

Jigsaw drops Eric's flashlight and Zep's gun right where they were at the end of Saw II.

Eric wakes up and sees Jigsaw. Suddenly Jeff grabs the saw and slices Jigsaws throat.

Jigsaw: G-Game over!

Jigsaw shuts the door and tosses Jeff a tape recorder.

Eric/Adam: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!

Eric: That's my line!

Adam: Shut the hell up, you're not even supposed to be here until the sequel!

Eric: There's going to be a sequel? Aw shit...

Eric: DANIEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
